tomlinsarse:

i’m about to cry

my brother told me that only today he found out that LGBT stood for les/gay/bi/trans instead of lettuce green bacon tomato

he looked at me and he had tears in his eyes and he said in the most horrified voice

i’ve been telling people i like LGBT sandwiches okay that means i’ve been having gay sandwiches

then he started to cry and ran off and yelled

they all think i’ve had gay threesomes!!!!!

i’m actually crying omg 

(Source: steadfastdreaming)

freecocaine:

#remember the rules #you know just in case

The Frustrating Wonder that is John Mulaney.

lovetillthelast:

• You know his hand is behind some of the funniest SNL moments of the last 4 years. Despite this, he is rarely seen or mentioned on the show itself, especially recently, when it would be most appreciated.
• His name slides by a couple times during the credits, but we don’t watch those because we’re watching everyone hug and laugh.
• He has produced two cd’s worth of material. He HAS jokes. He receives praise for them, but rarely gets to perform them live.
• His second cd came out on a week when there was no SNL show. He had no opportunity to advertise it there, even though it would have been smart and would have gone straight to his audience.
• Other comedians talk about him on podcasts and interviews. Almost name-droppingly.
• You hear stories ABOUT him, but rarely from him.
• He’s out there in the world, right now, doing god knows what but probably thinking of something hilarious.
• And maybe we’ll see that hilarious thing, maybe. In months if not years. He’s creating things and doing things, but very little gets to the eager ears of fans.
• He’s almost a legend, a whisper on the wind from somewhere far away. A pale, suit-wearing man-child that watches too much tv and supposedly gets nervous on airplanes.
• We can only hope that he will write another hour. We can wish fervently that he will choose a nearby stage to tell his stories of confusion and embarrassment.  We can only dream that one day, Seth Meyers will graciously bow out of his fantastic 11 year run. His departure, though sad, will herald a new Weekend Update run by a Proud Asian American Woman. A cry of joy will sound across America, and we will no longer have to conjecture about the nature and reality of John Mulaney.

(Source: hotdamncarlospena)

“First up, it’s Kendall’s turn. Let the BTR stare-off commence…”

(Source: btrband.com)